“If you don’t listen to me, I won’t invite you to my birthday party!” or “If you don’t share your tiffin, I won’t work on the project with you.”
Hearing such threats or instances of emotional blackmail from school-going children has become quite common today. Parents and teachers often dismiss this as mere ‘innocent bickering’ or ‘childish behavior.’ But have you ever wondered where children get the idea to pressure others in this way? According to child psychologists, the roots of this harsh reality often lie in our own home environment.

‘Children don’t do what we say; they do what we do!’
Recent research conducted in Denver shows that children closely mimic the adults in their lives. They learn not only what to say but also keenly observe the methods adults use to get their way.

If parents at home threaten each other, use sarcasm, give the ‘silent treatment,’ or resort to emotional blackmail to get their point across, children unknowingly come to view these as acceptable behaviors. They learn that they can get what they want by bossing others around or belittling them.

The truth behind the ‘Bobo Doll’ study
There is a famous psychological study known as the ‘Bobo Doll Experiment.’ It revealed that children who observed adults behaving aggressively toward a doll subsequently displayed similar violent and aggressive behavior when left alone with it. Especially during the preschool years (ages 3 to 6), whatever children witness at home leaves a profound impact on their impressionable minds. Even though parents may not engage in physical violence in front of their children these days, mental and verbal abuse can be just as damaging.

Taunting:
Saying things like "You are useless" or "You won't amount to anything." Setting conditions: "If you don't listen to me, I won't talk to you." Exploiting weaknesses: Criticizing one another. When children constantly witness this behavior, they begin to say similar things to their friends, such as, "Your clothes aren't nice; you can't play in our group."

The Dangerous Impact of Bullying
Experts warn that the habit of intimidating or bullying others not only harms the victim but also ruins the future of the child engaging in such behavior. Children who learn aggressive or manipulative behaviors early on face a significantly higher risk of falling into depression, breaking rules, developing criminal tendencies, and succumbing to substance abuse during their teenage years.

What is the solution?
The good news is that the solution to this problem lies entirely in the hands of the parents. Every child is driven by two things: obtaining what they desire (such as love, toys, or praise) and avoiding what they dislike (such as studying or going to bed early).

Adopt positive methods instead of negative ones to get your point across:
Respect and cooperation: Say "thank you" to each other, offer praise, and work as a team in front of your children.

Learn to appreciate: When you praise your partner in front of the children (for example, "We managed to arrive on time today thanks to Mom"), the child learns the value of cooperation. Resolve issues patiently: If a disagreement arises, sit down and talk calmly instead of shouting. When children witness kindness, respect, and mutual harmony at home, they not only stop bullying others but also avoid becoming victims of bullying themselves. A strong sense of self-esteem develops within them. Remember, you do not merely have the power to get things done by your children; you also bear the responsibility of shaping them into sensitive and wonderful human beings.

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