Why do you always believe Didi? I didn't lie, nor did I take Didi's pencil. It's your favorite! This sentence struck Suchita, a Noida resident, like a bolt of lightning. She never discriminates between children, so why did her younger daughter feel this way? Suchita remembered her own childhood.

She may not have been able to complain openly to her parents, but her grandmother's affection for her elder brother easily revealed that her brother receives more love. Sometimes, out of anger, or sometimes casually at a family gathering, children ask their parents, "Mom, tell me the truth! Who is your favorite among us siblings?" To which every parent replies, "Children are like their eyes, and one cannot be chosen." As humorous as this question sounds, it hides a profound truth behind its layers. Is 'favoritism' or discrimination just a joke, or is it a story of childhood wounds that don't heal even after growing up?

An ideal or just a fantasy?
The family is the first school where a child learns the lessons of love, security, and self-respect. Parents always claim, "We love both our children more than our lives." But in reality, subtle differences often emerge in behavior. Sometimes based on age, sometimes on gender, and sometimes on the scale of ability, children are weighed. Discrimination isn't always expressed in harsh words; it's often hidden in small behaviors.

For example, spending more time with one child, placing a greater burden of household chores on one, always taking sides in sibling fights, and trumpeting one's achievements while ignoring the other's efforts. Parents often don't love one child more, but rather give more attention to one. This extra attention sows the seeds of jealousy in the other child.

Why 'Unwanted' Favoritism Occurs
While no parent intentionally wants to hurt their child, certain social and psychological factors give rise to this discrimination, which even today harbors conservative thinking. Even today, in many families, the eldest son is considered the future leader and is given a pedestal, or the desires of daughters are given less priority, considering them "someone else's property."

However, the reverse sometimes occurs, where fathers show an extra inclination towards daughters and do not show as much affection towards sons. This often leads to sons harboring resentment towards their parents as well as their sisters. Similarly, a child who excels in studies, obeys everything their parents say, or even confides sibling secrets to them, inadvertently becomes the favorite. At times, the child who supports one parent during a conflict becomes the closest to that parent, leaving a void for the other.

Deadly Consequences in Adult Life
This childhood discrimination has devastating consequences in adult life. The beautiful bond between siblings, built on shared memories, is lost to animosity and competition. A child who feels neglected struggles with a sense of inferiority throughout their life.

In modern psychology, a major part of "inner child healing" is increasingly focused on healing the wounds of this discrimination. If at any point you realize you've unintentionally discriminated against your children, talk to them openly, regardless of their age. Don't hesitate to apologize. A short conversation can relieve years of burden from the minds of grown children!

How to Correct This Mistake
If you're experiencing this behavior, these changes can help:

Rules should be the same for both children. If one receives a punishment, the other should receive an equal amount of punishment.

Avoid the poison of comparison. "Why aren't you like your brother?"—this one sentence is enough to destroy a child's self-confidence.

Every child is unique. Appreciate their strengths.

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