"Dad won, and I lost" — these lines from the suicide note of a 24-year-old young man are enough to pierce the heart of even the most stone-hearted person. This tragic case involves Priyanshu, a 24-year-old from Kanpur, who took his own life by jumping from the fifth floor of the Kanpur Court building. When the incident occurred, people initially assumed it might have been due to work-related pressure; however, when the police recovered his suicide note, those who read it were left shaken to the core. In the note, Priyanshu detailed his father's cruel behavior, describing how, since his childhood, his father had turned his life into something worse than hell.
**Childhood Trauma Lingers, Even After 18 Years**
In his suicide note, Priyanshu recounted an incident from when he was just six years old: he had consumed some mango shake kept in the refrigerator. Over this trivial matter, his father stripped him naked and threw him out of the house. Psychology suggests that such wounds inflicted during childhood (childhood trauma) hollow out a person's personality from within. Although Priyanshu had reached the age of 24, the six-year-old child within him was still silently weeping—the child who had been publicly humiliated by the very people he considered his own.
**When a Father Becomes an Enemy**
According to the suicide note, Priyanshu's father would constantly verbally abuse him, hurling insults such as "coward," "cripple," and "impotent" at the slightest provocation. Threatening to fire him from his job or evict him from the house over minor mistakes was a routine part of his father's daily behavior. For the father, humiliating Priyanshu in front of neighbors and colleagues was merely a form of "discipline," but for Priyanshu, it was a soul-shattering form of torture.
**Why is Such Upbringing Dangerous?**
Psychologists explain that when parents constantly inflict wounds upon a child's self-esteem, the child eventually falls victim to "self-loathing"—a deep-seated hatred for oneself. Priyanshu’s written plea—that "Dad shouldn't even be allowed to touch my corpse"—reveals that his emotional bond with his father had completely shattered, and that he sought liberation from that humiliation even after death.
In reality, when a child is humiliated by their own loved ones at such a tender age, their innate sense of "safety" is extinguished. They begin to perceive the world as a dangerous place, and seeds of insecurity and anger toward their very own parents are sown within their minds.
Furthermore, when a father attacks his child's capabilities or strikes at the core of their identity (whether regarding gender or physical ability), the child begins to loathe themselves. They start to feel that they will never be able to live up to their father's expectations.
5 Major Parenting Lessons for Every Father:
1. Humiliation vs. Discipline
Discipline is meant to teach, not to intimidate. Scolding a child in a crowd or in front of neighbors does not reform them; instead, it breeds a spirit of rebellion or deep depression within them. Public shaming permanently destroys a child's self-esteem.
2. Do Not Turn Words into 'Weapons.'
If you repeatedly label a child as "worthless" or a "failure," their mind will eventually accept it as the truth. Psychologically speaking, negative labeling is the quickest way to ruin a child's future.
3. Make the Home a 'Safe Haven'
A child returns home after enduring the harsh blows of the outside world. If the home itself becomes a battlefield—where every minor mistake is met with threats of expulsion—the child becomes mentally homeless. A child must feel assured that, come what may, their home remains a safe sanctuary for them.
4. Do Not Inflict Lifelong Pain
Remember: cruel punishments inflicted for the minor mischiefs of childhood become permanently etched in a child's subconscious mind. Priyanshu was 24 years old, yet the six-year-old child within him was still enduring the pain of that punishment involving the mango shake. Parents must rise above their own ‘egos’ and strive to understand a child's perspective.
5. Your Children Are Not Your Property
In Indian society, fathers often view their children as their personal ‘property.’ They feel entitled to treat them however they please. Psychology, however, asserts that every child possesses an independent personality. A father's foremost duty is to safeguard that child's self-respect.
Priyanshu’s suicide note is not an expression of a son’s hatred, but rather the ‘scream’ of a child who went unheard. It serves as a warning to every parent who projects their own frustrations onto their children. Remember: the wounds you inflict may eventually heal with time, but their scars never fade.
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